Quikkby Updated: 2/15/26
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this would all probably come off as ranting, but i dont care, I need to advocate for myself even if it seems harsh.
recently, if not for a while I have been getting mentally worse.
i dont know if that was obvious, or if you always saw me as mentally unstable, i dont really mind, atleast the issue is my physical health is being affected now.
since I turned 20, honestly everything had been going downhill since then, especially with the discovery that
I am extremley likely that I have been experiencing Dissociative Identity disorder
i dont know if this is not suprising, or it is, im not sure.
I ask you not to treat me any differently, I am getting an evaluation soon for such to confirm it. this isint something I want at all, I wish a million times over I never experienced these symptoms ever, not even the multiple identities.
I've had dissociative symptoms since I was much younger as a child.
it is not schizophrenia, it is not considered or related to a psychotic disorder at all, if you are concerned:
https://www.beautyafterbruises.org/blog/didmyths
or you may research it on your own.
i had come to the conclusion as Id always feel like I was disecting myself to understand. I had put so much work in trying to put together everything, my symptoms, my past, asking others, researching, worry, denial, all for it to be a sudden, breaking realization that my mental health IS that bad. and I never realized or aknowledged it as I wouldnt remember.
if you have questions, feel free to ask, but I dont want a convo about such or want to give details, also please dont think of me as any differently, I am still the same person I ever was but with awareness.
I will speak about boundaries, and how I feel about this all.
skip to the end if you dont want to read.
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im not going out of my way to be like this and I dont want to be like this.
its hurtful that people are making it seem like I want to be like this, like its within my own control or my own interest.
at times I get mad or embarrassed at my own actions way too often, its not like im in control of my own body, and I wont even remember the things I do or say at times and others have noticed it too many times.
I am sick and tired of people judging me, analyzing me, trying to figure me out, accusing my intentions, and focusing on the littlest, tiniest things, that doesnt affect anyone.
I am a much more complex person than what anyone can think of, not even my partner or my own mother can understand me fully.
**I cant even understand myself, **and throughout my whole life it felt like i was dissecting myself trying to get a grasp at how I worked.
please stop trying to figure me out. please stop giving me random advice** if you dont go through what I go through.**
ive gotten so stressed that my mental symptoms have become insanely crippling and difficult to deal with myself.
my body is starting to not function properly, my digestive system, my heart, my blood, my nervous system, my bladder, had been affected by the stress.
my memory has gotten so terrible, my dissociation has gotten terrible,, my cognitive ability deteriorated and I cant think straight sometimes, I cannot keep up.
its so disorienting and terrifying to even wake up, even be alone in silence, or to go to sleep.
I have psychogenic non-epileptic seizures, and even that is insanely distressing to go through an episode of such.
I know how to get out of pnes episodes but I would need another person to help me.
if thats not proof that I have gotten so sick of the treatment I have gone through my whole life, I dont know what is. im too scared to speak up directly, im too scared to hurt someones feelings even unintentionally.
I care too much about others that I have no respect for myself at times.
but if you bring up your hatred or dismissal for me, you are not worth my effort or time. I dont want anything to do with those who like to see me suffer like this, or dont care of me in the slightest.
even then, I woudlnt even hold hate for anyone since i wouldnt even remember.
why am i making this? ----------------------------------------------
I will NOT be able to communicate my boundaries well enough within the moment. so please, be aware of these.
thats all, I am trying to get better, I am trying so hard to keep going.
I am trying to improve, and progress has been seen.
the issue is, I will regress and loose it if I keep being stressed any further by the people around me.
none of this is directed at anyone but you need to be aware that I am not in a good place right now and im trying so hard not to go back to who I used to be, Unstable, even more inconsistent and unpredictable than I am currently.
I am really close to giving up.
I really am.
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I want to make it aware that I am trying my best to stay afloat on these problems I have both online and real life, and so I would appreciate it if I was given patience, understanding, and space.
DO NOT VENT TO ME EITHER, remind me if needed as I forget my own boundaries for myself (dissociative amnesia)
please feel free to set your own boundaries with me too
and speak up if youre uncomfortable or upset by anything.
1. do not mention mental health subjects to me, do not bring up my symptoms or your own (unless you are stating your own boundaries) as it may cause me to exhaust.
2. do not mention personal issues, the past, or any situations (both mine, and your own)
3. do not push me to talk about things I may seem uncomfortable talking about. it's okay to ask questions however, its even alright to have curiosity.
4. do not have long conversations with me, I need breaks, OFTEN. or longer, and I would forget to respond, I have TERRIBLE memory. I cannot keep my focus on you so you may expect slow responses or me forgetting.
5. do not try and figure the intent by my words, I cant ever even think before I speak, how would I know what I want? I cant even properly explain anything myself and struggle to.
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talking is TORMENT for me at times. I will be overwhelmed.
I have emotional dysregulation, so its extremely hard for me to even notice I am feeling uncomfortable or upset until its too late.
this is all, obviously temporary until I feel fully better.
I have a therapist, and general mental help for a while and in the future.
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https://quikkby.carrd.co/#about
^ additional boundaries, for anyone